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Feeling a little better. Things are looking up. After finding out that I was mostly just a "filler girl" for Michael, it's almost made me want to move on. I found out that Michael has liked a girl for over a year that is a great friend of mine, he liked her even when I was in a relationship with him. He liked her even when he was whispering to me that he loved me. It's interesting how some people work. You would think that some people would have the decency to get what they want or just be alone until they do. But for some reason Michael just assumed he would just go after the easiest option. Fuck me if I get hurt in the process, because it's not about about me, it's about Michael and his selfish, narcissistic ways.

But you know what, college has really helped. Being a part of Dead Man's Cell Phone and stage managing. Making friends and finding super cute boys to look at and flirt with, just helps ease the pain and start to take it away. I know that only I can truly make my pain go away, but it's always helpful have this distraction and this "pain reliever" if you will. I'm so grateful that they are there for me to just dive into a world that has no idea about my past, or Michael or anything. A clean slate to finally be the person I want to be. Sexy, single Chloe who is going to be ok, and is ready to let go of Michael and move on with her life.

I've decided this week that I'm going to try not to give a fuck about Michael. I'm going to stop asking my friends about him and I'm going to stop people when they try to tell me stuff going on with him. It doesn't hurt him, it only hurts me. So if he wants to go out with one of my good friends, I don't see either of them that much and though it would hurt, I don't want to give a shit. So I'm not going to. I am moving on, so I don't need to know what is going on with him.

This is my vow to myself. Not to care. And I hope to keep it. <3

Lost

Update.
Michael and I are no longer together. After hardships with him parents we no longer exisist as a couple. This has been super hard on me. I've been developing bad eating habits and insomnia. But I will prevail. I have been feeling alot better about this situation lately. I just wish I had known more about his doubts in our relationship, then I would have at least been prepared to loose him from my life. Unfourtunately communication was not his strong point. So the shock of him not being a part of my life anymore cut deep. So now, I'm wandering, dazed, and confused. Scrambling to try and find my way again. Moving forewards but also taking steps back, almost trying to save that connection I once had. But already knowing that that connection is lost, maybe to return again, but not anytime soon. The hardest part right now is that it's do difficult to even talk with him. I want to remain friends with him but that may not happen. I'm hoping it can. But I also realize that I need to move foreward in order to help myself. My heart still hurts with the yearning of him. But I know that in order to be able to prevail, I must let him go and move on with my life.

I've also started college. I'm attending SSC (Seminole State College) and I'm there with a theater scholarship. So obviously I'm majoring in theater. I tried out for the first play, which is called Dead Man's Cell Phone by Sara Ruhl. And though I didn't make it in I'm Stage Managing the show and I'm an understudy for all of the womyn's roles. Yay! But it's a lot of work. I'm liking college and my theater classes and one english class.

I have potential job offers from Publix and Halloween Horror Nights. Though I don't think I'm going to accept the job with HHN. As much as I want to work there, I realize that it will confict with my rehearsal schedule for Dead Man's Cell Phone too much. So I'm crossing my finger that Publix liked me at my interview and that they will hire me. Because I could really use some cash right about now. So having a job anywhere would be good.

Honestly all I'm hoping for right now, is for this year to fly by. I don't want to be in Orlando anymore. The only reason I stayed here was for Michael, and now, of course, that feels like the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I would have thought of the quote "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." when applying to other schools. I could have been out of this town already. Instead I'm stuck here, unable to move, stagnent. I feel sad here, because everyday I'm here I'm reminded "You stayed here for Michael, and now he doesn't want you, you silly stupid girl." So I just hope this year flies by fast, because I want to transfer from SSC to FSU and if I can't get into FSU then I'm going to attend TCC. Because being here everyday reminds me of what a mistake it was to stay here.

That's all in my life. Still a vegan. Vegetarian for 6 years, vegan for 1. And still kicking it.

I'm hoping to find some boy to at least make me feel better. A rebound or something. But I guess we'll see what happens.

That's all for now.

Chloe Amelia McElroy

Gave Blood Today. Has a boyfriend named Michael Mancini who makes her really happy. Has horrible grades that she is determined to improve. Misses her sister but knows that she will see her soon. Is Miss Prisim in the Importance of Being Ernest. Is scared about what is to happen after High School is over. Doesn't exactly know where she is headed in life, but is sure the track she is on now is not they way she wants to go. Is confused about what to do but knows she wants to do something. Knows she can do this but she just has to make a commitment to change her life. Will change her life, must change her life.

=]

I'm pushing through. Barreling through. And I'm doing it. I didn't make AD (assistant director) for the next play. My friend Kelly got it. But it's cool she deserved as much as I did. Plus the stage manger told me that Haskett really wants me to act. But I don't want to get in the mind set that I already have a part, because I don't. And there is still the whole, you can't be in the next play because of your bad grades last time thing that might happen. Even though I am proving to them that I can't take my newly found A's and B's and shove them in their face. So hopefully I will get a part, keep up my grades, make my parents and my friends happy with me, and myself happy with me. That's most important. Just hope that I get a part. Oh and districts are this week. So I won't be in school on Thursday and Friday. But that's cool. I'll get everything done. Don't worry, be happy. =]

Grounded.

But that's how it goes. Whenever Chloe does something bad she gets grounded. But I totally deserve it. I got 4 nice crisp D's on my report card and I am just in total shock. I was being stupid. I didn't really give a damn and look where it got me. I was expecting the groundation. I have no idea how long it's going to last, I hope not that long because I have a lot of things I would like to do. My biggest fear is that my parents won't let me do the next play. So in order to show them that this semester is going to better I have started to do my homework. (I know I should have been doing all of it all along.) I actually did homework on a Friday for the very first time in my life, and it felt successful. Now I didn't do all of it and I'm probably going to do more today, but granted it will all get done. I'm going to get better grades on tests and quizzes. But I really just hope that the parentals will let me do the next play. Because that is the only thing in high school that is keeping me alive. I go one day to the next knowing that there is always the drama department that will keep me going. But if I don't have that? What is there to look forward to? There will be nothing to push me along, nothing to make me try. So I'm going to keep up my grades, stop disappointing my parents, myself and my sister, who keeps telling me to kiss college good bye. And straighten up and make myself kick ass the rest of my high school career.

Allergies and kicking ass.

Obama! Allergies. New Computer = TAICHI! Getting good grades. Not giving in to temptation. Being healthy. Kicking some ass.

Yay Movie Quiz

1. Pick 21 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING / using IMDb search functions.

1. "Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look. Do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non human? No, and you know why? Because it's a field"
Stardust by Caitlin

2. "Why do you want to get stoned?"
"We want to get stoned, because it feels good, man."
"Bingo, because it feels good! You want to get stoned, because it feels good! Right?"
"Right!"
"Wrong!"
"Why is that wrong?"
"Because it's a cop out..."
"Ok, then can you explain to us why for what other reason than the fact it feels good, do we want to .. get stoned, man?"
"Because it's our way, of getting closer, to god."
Bobby by Caitlin

3. "Veritaserum. Three drops of this and You-Know-Who himself would spill his darkest secrets. The use of it on a student is, regrettably, forbidden. However, should you eve steal from my personal stores again, my hand might just slip over your morning pumpkin juice."
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by Caitlin

4. "You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand."
Ever After by Caitlin

5. "I will miss you. And your very slow typing... and your very bad driving."

6. "That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back."
Princess Bride by Caitlin

7. "Anyways... this police man came up to me... he said I was disturbing the peace and then he tried to take my guitar away from me and I guess I got real angry at him. But I'm not a bad man. I'm just not... a lucky man"

8. "I don't need you anymore! All my life you made believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me. He loves me! He loves me, Harold. And that is worth everything!"
Moulin Rouge by Caitlin

9. "Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?"
"I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung."
"As long as you don't have flat feet."
Across the Universe by Caitlin

10. "I'm not going anywhere, especially with you."
"Oh, yes you are. We are going to sit in giant teacups and spin round and round in circles until we
puke."
"Are you on crack?"
"We're gonna have fun."
Uptown Girls by Caitlin

11. "You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious."
Shrek by Caitlin

12. "What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station is not my idea of courage. It's more like, suicide."

13. "Don't give me that tone!"
"What tone?"
"That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know
nothing because I am a woman."
"You're not a woman."
"Oh, you bastard!"
The Birdcage by Caitlin

14. "Before you came into my life I could make all kinds of decisions now I'm addicted I have to know
what you think. What do you think?"
"I think your the most selfish human being on the planet."
"Well that's just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?"
Two Weeks Notice by Caitlin

15. "You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin' was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't."

16. "Stories don't always end where their authors intended. But there is joy in following them, wherever they take us."

17. "You are the twelfth in a long line of governesses who have come here to look after my children since their mother died. I trust you will be an improvement on the last one. She stayed only two hours."
The Sound of Music by Caitlin

18."Now, do it again. And try not to screw up the blocking this time, eyes, eyes, nostrils, silent
scream!"
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Piss in the dumpster! Again!"
Camp by Caitlin

19. "I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it."
The Royal Tenenbaums by Caitlin

20. "It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention."
Ten Things I Hate About You by Caitlin

21. "According to Hope, Freud died of kitty leukemia. According to me, Freud died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water."
Running with Scissors by Caitlin

Caitlin's little "swing"

I hate it. I don't want to be here. I wanted to stay at Taylor's or go home with Dara. My Halloween was going fine. There are really stupid people here. 2 people were running around streaking. They are all drunk. They got high in CAITLIN'S ROOM! There is such a pot smell in there. People keep going in my room. I can't sleep and I don't want to go to sleep with fear someone is going to mess with me. And this is really sucking and I wish I wasn't here. I want everyone to leave. But no one is going to. Help!

Oct. 17th, 2007

Giving blood tomorrow. OMG! But I hope it will be cool. I'm tired good night all. I miss Sam but I can't have him. Maybe eventually, but for right now he is just a picture in my minds eye
I definitely didn't make call backs. I have been crying all day. I wanted this so bad. I'm trying to see the positive part of this but I can't. I also just learned that my friends got in a car crash after the con. I am so not having a good day.